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The many ways to say goodbye to your studio
The many ways to say goodbye to your studio Exclusive GDMag Exclusive
July 12, 2013 | By Matthew Wasteland & Magnus Underland

July 12, 2013 | By Matthew Wasteland & Magnus Underland
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More: GD Mag, Programming, GD Mag Exclusive



In this reprint from the final (June/July 2013) issue of Game Developer magazine, Matthew Wasteland and Magnus Underland say goodbye in their uniquely cheeky way -- with a "taxonomy" of developer farewells. How many of these have happened where you work?

Unrecognized Linchpin

Hi all, you probably didn't know this, but today is my last day. I didn't really get to meet many of you during the eight years I worked here. Possibly because I was the tester who sat in the server room most of the time.

Anyway, if you care, I'll be having a going-away thing at the bar down the street. You can come if you want. I was planning on having a beer and then heading home and watching Babylon 5.

P.S. Just a note. The build process might be a little slower after today. I used to fix 20 or so errors in the build manually every day at 5 a.m. so it could go out to the studio. Not sure if you guys knew that or not.

Triumphant Executive

Loyal Employees,

When I joined this industry-leading company six weeks ago as your Senior Executive Vice President of Business Development, we were still in the nascent stages of solidifying our business model, brainstorming revenue streams, and seeking out disruptive influencers.

Now, operating profit in our planning spreadsheets has more than doubled, thanks to my innovative "double the numbers in the spreadsheets" initiative. And with our organization more ready than ever before to embark upon the long, hard road to profitability, I've decided to graciously step down in order to spend more time with my family and explore other opportunities. I am beyond proud to have paved the way for your future success!

Warmest Regards,

Brent Hornblower, Esq.
LinkedIn | Plaxo | Orkut

Rage Quit

Okay, this is the SIXTH TIME THIS MONTH that one of my burritos disappeared from the freezer, even though I put my name ON THE BOX. AND ON EACH BURRITO. I can't believe how many times I've told our producer about this. Heck, maybe he's the one eating them! You know, it's not like we're trying to get a stable build onto staging in time for the next update WHICH IS TOMORROW, and I need to EAT in order to be able to DO MY JOB. HELLO?

Actually, you know what? Screw this. I'M DONE. I'm out of here, like, for real. Let's see how well your burrito-stuffed faces can get that build up without me. Enjoy your FREE FOOD, provided by me to you for absolutely FREE, and get out of my life forever. PLEASE. GOOD RIDDANCE.

Someone forward this to HR.

P.S. NOBODY touch the mint-in-box action figures on my desk!!! I'll borrow my roommate's car and come pick them up on Monday.

Greener Pastures

Hey guys, I guess you heard by now that I'm leaving for that new place across town. Of course, I'm confident our games will be left in the best hands. That internal pitch for the new F2P title was particularly exciting -- a summer camp theme! That sounds like it'll be super fun.

Anyway, I know things are tight after we didn't achieve the numbers we were supposed to with the last game, but it seems like the right lessons were learned. I'm kind of sad about leaving, especially now that the free gym memberships they've been talking about for a while might finally be coming through. My new studio apparently has its own gym on campus, but not to worry, I'll still come by for lunch once in a while for old times' sake. Going to miss you guys, and really looking forward to seeing what this talented team will cook up next. =)

Bob

As some of you may know, Bob is no longer with the company. If Bob tries to email you, please do not read it and forward it to HR instead. If you see Bob in the parking lot, alert security immediately.

Nobody is allowed to talk about Bob. That is all.

Thanks,
Management

And Now, A Genuine Goodbye

Dear Readers of Game Developer Magazine,

Thank you so much for reading our column over the last six-ish years. We had a great time writing it and the mail we got from you helped to sustain us through our own game development travails. Our favorite response was, "You must have worked at my studio!" And no, it was a different studio, but the patterns were the same.

To all line-level game developers out there, trying to do good work in a messed-up system: You are not alone.

Sincerely,

Matthew Wasteland, Magnus Underland


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Comments


Freek Hoekstra
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Brilliant little piece,
thanks for that, very enjoyable ;)

Peter Kojesta
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I enjoyed reading your column. I'd flip to the back right away to check out the new stuff. Thanks for all the smiles, and good luck with your future projects!


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